Losing My Way

I was told early in my life if I do good and be good god will reward you in the long run. I've been living by those word for the last 24years of my life and I'm starting to believe I've chosen the wrong path. Now that I'm a little older I'm really starting to question our so called lord on some of his decision on my life. For starters the other day my uncle took all my cousins (his kids) out to a play and dinner and I was there when they left all dress up looking like a big happy family. On the outside I look happy for them but on the inside I was very jealous because god never allowed me to have a brother or sister so I never got the chance to experience having a sibling. Also god took away my father and my step father the two most important people in my life. I mean I was bless to have two father figures in my life but I'd rather not have them in my life than to have to suffer that pain twice. So in my eyes I didn't deserve siblings but the little bit of happiness I had god decided to take it away from me at a early age. Another thing I question god on is something he allowed me to go through early in my life. I won't say what because I'm very ashamed but being older and now knowing what it was I feel like that's something I can share with the world but if god knew what was happening why would he allow it to go on and leave me as a mental reck. Now I'm not even going to get into the relationship with my mom because I think I've explained that enough in a older post (read patty) but long story that relationship has gone very sour. Some people might say I'm over reacting but I would like them to react to the pain I've suffer and the pain I still have today. React to the loneliness knowing you can't give your loved ones or your friends your all because your to worried about losing one of them. People are telling me "leave it in gods hands" for what he's not listening. "Be thankful for what you have" what can I be thankful if I'm never happy. When its all said and done on my judgement day up ill have to look that man in the eyes and no I won't as him to for give my sins because it might be a good reason for all of them but that's how I feel now. I wanna look him right in the eye and say why. Why allow me to be a mental case? Why allow me to go through so much shit and all I did was praise you name? I'll have some many question and I pray he has a answer..